Hi, my name is Timothy Warren. I am doing this under protest, but I am the coolest Warren in the...city.
Reasons why Dad will give me his riches:
--I inherited his mighty-good looks so why shouldn't I inherit everything else??
--Just by looking at us when we talk, you can tell that I'm his favorite son because he buys me video games when they're on sale at the Base and give me his old pocketknives.
--We both love Notre Dame football.
--We play basketball together, something you will never find Caleb doing.
--I am the only child that Dad can still buy toys for. Everyone else is "too cool" for toys.
--We both like Popeye's chicken strips.
--I will be the only kid to fight with CJ over who really gets to leave home last. (Sorry Sis)
--We both hate baseball.
--One of us likes soccer...I don't know who.. (but it's not me! shh!)
Reasons why Mom will give me her riches:
--I inherited her timeless beauty, so why shouldn't I inherit the rest of her beloved possessions?
--I make her some mean Mac and Cheese.
--Every 2 seconds I walk into her room and ask if she needs anything.
--I make all the problems that happen on Dad's TDYs fun for her and everyone else in the house.
--I will be the second to last kid living with them. SSShhhhhhh don't tell CJ!
--I walk at her pace when we're out together.
--I was her last 1st grader.
--I was her last 2nd grader.
--I was her last 3rd grader.
--I was her last 4th grader.
--I was her last 5th grader.
--I was her last 6th grader.
--I am her last 7th grader.
--I will be her last 8th grader.
--I will be her last high school student.
--I will be the last child that she has to shell out thousands of dollars for college for. (well, it depends on what CJ decides to do. )
Reasons why you will vote for me:
--I spend my allowance wisely on other people.
--I will buy you presents.
--I am the one who regularly gets conned out of his allowance by Beth who needs to "borrow" money. Probably because I'm the youngest.
--I can make you a boiled omelet.
--I am the funnest of all of our people.
--I am also the weirdest. But I am saving humanity from normalcy.
Bottom line, I am the best Warren kid in the world. Vote for Tim!
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9 comments:
You didn't even have to say all that to impress us. Longenbaugh Child number 4 votes for Tim!
as if you're the only Warren kid to love ND football? uh, whatever. and you getting conned by Beth is dumb, not cute.
FACT: ninjas never get the inheritance.
Tim taught Rowan to stand at 3 months old. And he babysat him when he was still a very angry child. I don't think he is actually outwitted by Beth, I think he is just a peacemaker and cares less for worldly things.
Tim "caring less for worldly things" Ha! thats a good one, Tiff.
You've tempted my vote, Tim :)
Tim's 'dad reasons':
--You wish.
--Key words here being "WHEN THEY"RE ON SALE". Dad buys everything on sale, and, since when do you talk to him anyway.
--How much do you actually know about Notre Dame? Or football in general really?
--OH! That'll lose me some points! Sorry that I don't cause you unnecessary back pain, Dad!
--I wasn't aware that "to cool for toys" and "more mature than me" were synonyms these days.
--Um, we all do.
--Oh, good, tim. That was a really well constructed sentence. You should teach english at Cor-not University.
--Who does?
--How is this going to help you, again?
Tim's "mom reasons":
--Again, you wish.
--Mean to the taste buds.
--No, that's me. Every 2 seconds YOU walk in and ask if she can buy
you more chaostic cards and nerf guns.
--You're kidding, right? This is a joke?
--*stares into space because there's nothing he can say to the total out-of-contextness of this.
--Are you saying mom is a slow-poke?
--The longer is is till she can retire
--The longer is is till she can retire
--The longer is is till she can retire
--The longer is is till she can retire
--The longer is is till she can retire
--The longer is is till she can retire
--The longer is is till she can retire
--The longer is is till she can retire
--Yeah, you'll also be her only 24-year-old highschooler.
--See retirement comments above.
And, just for the record, it was definitely me and Beth who taught Rowan how to stand at 3 months old.
I'm voting Caleb off the island.
Maybe Danny should take his place?
Ummm, Caleb, I am Rowan's mother and I was there when Tim 'taught' Rowan to stand.
Okay, these are SECRET ballots, right???
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