"I'm the Only Cause I'm Interested In"... by Kristen Warren Slaughter

I feel that a candid prelude would be wise for me to insert here, so that there is no misunderstanding as to my expectation or motivation in this endeavor. While the exercise of each Warren child "selling themselves" (so to speak) seems the most fair way for each of you to make an informed decision about the candidacy holding the most promise, I'll admit to being at a loss here. As I've thought through the (very few) years since my childhood, and come up with some items of note that may aid me in garnering your support, I hit many mental roadblocks and stopped many times in frustration, all the while confused as to why this is such a struggle for me. And then in a moment it all became clear. I don't know why I didn't anticipate the difficulty I would have, and yet I realized that this whole "assignment" feels so foreign to me. In a nutshell, I'm just not used to having to convince anyone why my resume-of-sorts is superior to any other. Its just typically self-evident. However, in the spirit of friendly competition, camaraderie, and to avoid any disqualification, I'll attempt to posit some particulars that may shed some extra light on the aforementioned obvious outcome:

(as a small caveat, I will not attempt to separately list claims that are more inclined to one parent or the other, since I, of course, view our parents as a Biblically represented "one flesh" who strive to always present a united front. this example was invaluable to me as a child and continues to be a source of constant and consistent inspiration. plus, our parents are not only married, but still engaged.)

1) I skipped 2 grades, which is testimony to the intellectual prowess of parents who can produce a great example of effective academic instruction. Every parent wants kids that make them look smart. Period.
2) I constantly challenged Mom and Dad's parenting "theories", which made them only MORE effective at parenting the children in the years after me. Had I not "sharpened" their skills at dealing with unforeseen obstacles to child-rearing, the subsequent offspring might have had less-than-superior structure in their daily lives.
3) I sang "Friends" in church when I was 11
4) I took it upon myself to give Aubrey and Annie daily practice in dealing with difficult relationships, remaining the sole reason that they have the interpersonal skill to diffuse conflict that is admired by so many.
5) And finally, while some have regarded my personality as difficult to get along with at times (these opinions of course are uninformed and regrettable), I married a man who is likely the most easy-going person in the family, and most closely resembles the personality of Dad. And that is always a good thing.

I'd ask for your vote, but I really believe that would represent the assumption that you might withhold it. And while I suppose that is existentially possible, it appears to be highly unlikely. Good luck in your attempt to fairly weigh all nine arguments before you choose me.