Move over moppets. The winners have arrived. We (Aubrey and Nathan), as Oldest Daughter and Son, have seen fit to respond to this imbroglio together. We are loath to talk highly of ourselves but sometimes we have to reach down to the squalid level of our siblings and use small words.
1. Two words: Birthright.
2. Why search for another reason?
3. We, having lifted our parents to new and greater heights of affect, are First in their hearts.
4. Aubrey, ardently and sacrificially, gave her parents their first grandchild.
5. Nathan unselfishly lives in his parents timezone.
6. Mother and Dad are exquisitely proud of their first attempt at parenting.
7. Nathan WILL be taking care of Mother and Dad in their advanced years.
8. Aubrey, unlike other unnamed sisters, has stayed by the parents side virtually her entire life. That is dedication.
9. Nathan and Dad have a special bond only made possible by him being the Oldest Son, golf, and teasing Tim.
10. Aubrey has been indirectly responsible for cleaning the Warren sewer line, catching mice in the Warren house, painting the Warren house, fixing numerous broken items in the Warren house, grill-building, etc.
11. When Nathan was born, there was a collective sigh of relief that the Warren name would live on.
12. Aubrey is married to Mother and Dad's pastor.
13. Nathan was by far the most convivial Warren baby.
14. Aubrey was by far the most amenable Warren child.
15. No amount of silliness from Anne, words no one understands from Kris, future "woe-is-me" thoughts from the Leaker, or anything else those little people come up with changes anything.
We are the Oldest. If you expect to score points by whining, join a European soccer team.
We would, if we felt so inclined, give overtures for your acknowledgement of our virtuous status.
We need no concurrence. We trust fully in our gentle parents' acumen. The rightful heirs will be triumphant.
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16 comments:
wow Aub, sure you want to hang your chances up there with Nate? seriously? that's the fastest way to lose, I'd say.
nathan and aubrey collaborated on something? they both deserve at least some sort of (lesser) award. Nathan, you're risking your youth and hipness in this endeavor, and Aub, you're risking, well, everything.
kudos.
Birthright? Hmmm.... I seem to remember a certain story about twins or something... Jacob and Something. Hmmmm....
I do not approve of this "buddy system" thing going on. This is survival of the fittest.
a point-by-point rebuttal:
1.) antiquated.
2.) obviously y'all felt the need to search anyway.
3.) isn't this whole competition to find out who, in fact, is First in their hearts?
4.) because the other two daughters were half-hearted and selfish in delivering the other 7 grandkids? right.
5.) nathan can't afford NOT to live in their timezone.
6.) don't forget that the A-team was just the practice set.
7.) hehehe. poor mom and dad.
8.) weren't you the first daughter to cross an ocean just to get away from home? yep.
9.) ok i'll give him that one.
10.) right place at the right time. big deal.
11.) that's yet to be determined. now we have to find women who agree to marry N, JC, and T.
12.) that's more of a tribute to Dirk's goodness than anything else.
13.) true... oh the drool!
14.) true... oh, the brown-nosing!
15.) um, its falled football. have you ever even BEEN to Europe?
Let's just hope the identity of the above sibling remains a secret. Misspelling a word in a title, heading, or pseudonym removes even the possibility of wild card status.
The fact that a Warren child would put "conserned" in a title, really makes a few of us moms feel a little more hopeful for our own children--perhaps our kids aren't all destined to work in assembly lines!
Anonymous--whose son just wrote the word "queastioned"
Wow. I need to keep a dictionary by me as I read these things!
:-)
See, my sister and I have it easy. It's just the two of us. And we've already taken the liberty of divvying-up all of our parents things. I get the Spode, Jen gets the Depressionware. She gets the silver and brass, I get the Wedgwood. And so on. There's no arguing about older, better. It's just an even split. Thank you, Mom and Dad! For only having two kids!! =)
Didn't you also have the whole 'six stockings for six children' thing going for you too, Aub? Maybe it's just pre-destination, and there's not really any choice involved.
Darn it, Jane, I thought maybe neither one of you would want the Spode and *I* would get it! ;-)
but Jane, what happens if one day Jen wakes up and decides, "hey, I want the Wedgewood!". then no amount of 'only two kids' will settle it. it'll be all out war - and hopefully one of y'all will post it on your blog so the rest of us can spectate. ;-)
Listen, I don't hold this against any of you. This behavior is intrinsic. I get frustrated when I get killed in Halo, or I get my shot blocked playing basketball. So I can't say I'm shocked by your typical, calculable responses. Often times, we resort to erroneous denunciations, in order to find some sort of stalwart ground on which to stand. But the truth slowly becomes evident once the asperity dies down. Fret not. I'm sure our progenitors must have some kind of bathetic trinket for the rest of you to pass around every five years or so.
Tsk tsk. I rest my case.
I might be laughed at for this, but what about everyone recieving their own? Is it mandatory for them all to stay together? What happens if one day the family member that has them finds that their family has too many or too few members to use them together as a set? As each of them were made for each of you, they represent the family. As they (and you) may find themselves seperated as life goes, it is a peice of the whole that you take with you as a remembrance, and a place to build new traditions off of. Or I am I too cheesy with this metaphor? Goodness knows my siblings and I have our own crazy methods of division.
I have to say, Ali's solution crossed my mind also.
And I'm grateful that I, too, had but one sibling and all that splitting up stuff is congenially behind us.
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